The Tallest Man-Made Thing in the World

Turns out it’s in North Dakota (it's that thin, grey line in the background). It’s a T.V. broadcasting tower for KVLY and KTHI, and for being the tallest of something in the world it’s pretty boring. It’s just sitting there in the middle of North Dakota farm country doing nothing.

It’s difficult to get any perspective on it because the next tallest building within a five-mile radius is a two-story barn, and it’s so thin compared to its height it kind of just blends into the hazy sky behind it until you get within a couple of miles. But it is, in fact, the tallest structure in the world, standing at 2,063 ft (628.8 meters, for the commies overseas).

So I began to wonder why the tallest of something in the world wasn’t a little more prominent, more publicized. Is it just Midwestern modesty, or is it something else? Are people worried that if word gets out that the tallest thing on the planet is in America the evildoers of the world would try to bring it down?

And then I realized that this is a brilliant strategy. Build the biggest damn thing in the world out in the middle of nowhere, pretend it’s the most important symbol of American pride--call it the World Freedom Elvis Tower or something--and trick the terrorists into attacking it. It’ll be like one of those bug zapper lights. Lure the terrorists out of the dark with the ultraviolet promise of 72 virgins and their name on CNN, and then BZZZZT! your backyard barbecue is once again safe from radical fundamentalist Islamorama.

My plan would be at least as effective as those threat level color codes.