Monday, January 09, 2006

American Pie X

I give the producers of the American Pie series about two more films before they give up and just start releasing porn. Their latest release, a straight-to-video offering about the oft-referenced, debaucherous Band Camp, is being marketed by touting what the producers believe to be it’s strongest selling point: it’s un-rated.

In the world of movies “un-rated” means “more boobs.”

With a wink and a nudge they’re basically saying “buy this movie and you’ll see naked hotties running around, and maybe there’ll be a plot.”

Soon the producers will entirely drop the charade of making a comedy and just start selling their videos via late night infomercials for $19.95 a month. Films like Band Camp offer titillation for the people that are afraid to cross over into the section of the video store behind the beaded curtain that says “adults only.”

It’s the same market as the people that go to Hooters and say it’s for the wings. We all know that's crap. Those people should just admit that as the result of various issues they're unable to go to a strip club so they go to a place where there are women running around in tiny outfits and flirting with middle-aged men

Come to think of it, why hasn’t their been a Coyote Ugly-type film about the girls of Hooters? If there isn't, I'm going to write it. That’s it, I’m dropping everything and going down to their corporate offices in Tampa. I should be able to write the treatment on the plane, it's not like it has to be good or anything.

Look for it on DVD next spring.

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