I think someone's licking my mail
Or, maybe it's the steam pipe behind the bank of mailboxes that's doing it. Either way, each day my mail comes to me quite moist. And the longer it sits in the mailbox before I pick it up the more steamed my mail gets.
This causes problems with bills specifically because thanks to the pre-moistening the return envelopes were always glued shut. This gives the distinct impression that someone has snuck into my mailbox, taken out my bills and licked shut all of my return envelopes.
My question then is this: would that be illegal? Isn't tampering with the mail a federal offense? Does licking count as tampering? I shall ask my buddy James the Fed, he knows about this sort of thing.