Saturday, May 07, 2005

I'm not buying it

The new Star Wars movie is not good.

No, I haven't seen it. Yes I'm judging it without any evidence. But after making 2.5 terrible movies, and going back and adding superfluous digital dressing to the only 2 good ones, the burden of proof is on Lucasfilm LTD. that Episode 3--revenge of George Lucas' ego isn't going to completely suck donkey balls.

Here are the warning signs:

Everyone says it's going to be better than the first two.

Not a very compelling argument when you could say Jaws 4 was better than the first two star wars movies. Jaws 4 was the 2nd worst movie I saw in a theater until Episodes 1 & 2 came out.

It's a lot darker than the others

The Crow 2--City of Angels is a lot darker than the first 2 star wars movies, that doesn't make it a good film. It was the worst movie I ever saw in a theater and sucked donkey balls only slightly more than episode 3 probably will.

My friend saw it and said it was good

Oh yeah, one of those charity screenings in which people donated several hundred dollars to charity for the chance to see the movie before anyone else. First of all, if I paid 600 bucks for a movie, I'd have a hard time admitting it sucked. Second of all, screening a film for fans before showing it to critics is a huge red flag. That means the movie blows.

Furthermore, this move is closest to the originals in the time period in which it's set, closest in plot and closest in character development, so I dare say that any power the film has will be derived from what we all know about Episodes 4, 5, and 6 and the connections we already have to the characters.

If it's good, it'll be like good fan literature or one of those Star Wars novels authorized by Lucas that contains some of the characters off doing other things.

So I guess I sound like a huge crab-ass, but it's Lucas' fault I paid ten bucks a pop to see two of the most gut-wrenchingly bad movies I've ever seen in a theater.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me...

fool the...

I WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN!!!!

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