I finally found a way to avoid the Oscars!
Every year I try to get away from the Oscarcast™, and every year I fail. It all started when I realized I can't go to Oscar parties without getting pissed off at the one person there who's so into the show she shushes people every 10 seconds. It's a freakin' 'party', I came here to see my friends, not sit in rapt attention listening to what Julia Roberts thinks about her life.
My opinion is if you need to hear every word of the show, don't go to an Oscar party, sit at home and watch it with your cats. That's like watching the Superbowl and sushing everyone after a big play because you want to hear Joe Buck and Troy Aikman's commentary on it. But I realize I'm in the minority, because every time I forget I'm not an Oscar party guy and go to one, I end up having to leave after the third or fourth shush.
So I've tried to go to bars, but the bars will end up playing the show. And I don't mean just showing it on the t.v. in the background, they inevitably turn up the sound. Bartenders and waitresses are usually actors after all, and watching the show somehow helps them forget they're working as bartenders and waitresses. Even my friend's crazy, anti-L.A. bar in L.A. had it on one year when I was out there during Oscar weekend. And is was a place that prides itself on serving Schlitz in 16 oz. cans. Who would have thought?
I guess I could sit at home and read, but that's where my discipline is at fault. I'll usually flip on the t.v. hoping to find something to watch for an hour or two, and since it's Oscar night no other networks put anything good on. I'll tune in telling myself "I should see what the host's jokes are" or something to make me think it's somehow my business, but I'll end up watching most of the show and then feel like I've wasted a night of the precious gift of life.
But this year I accidentally stumbled upon a foolproof solution, as I'm writing this post from the United terminal of Denver International Airport, stuck in a long layover before my flight to Bismarck, ND. So all you have to do to avoid the Oscars is book a flight to the middle of nowhere, and then sit and enjoy the comforts of flying the aggravated and cramped skies.
Seriously, the flight in was one of the most uncomfortable planes I've ever been on, and I've flown in C-17s. But on the upside, no Oscars.